I sit here, knowing that I should be asleep, but unable to do so.
We have a beautiful new addition to our family. Landon Johannes Holladay was born at 5:33pm on November 14th, 2008. He weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces. He is gorgeous. Mom and Dad are doing so well.
When we were waiting for his arrival, I was so excited. I could not wait to meet him. Now that he is here, I am in awe. The last time I felt emotion this strong, was when my Josh was born.
I am so proud of my little girl. She was nervous, but she went through it all with a grace and determination that surprised me. She was dilated by 7cm before we even got to the hospital. She laughed and joked around, but then again, Angela is always able to make me laugh.
I'll admit it openly ( because I know that everyone would just mock me if I said otherwise ) but I cried the minute I saw his little head. Wept is probably more like it - lol!
Ohhh, the sneeze. He let out his first little sneeze as I was gazing upon him. More tears and laughter.
Let me just say this, Landon, you are loved. Your family extends not only to those closest to you, but you have a community of people who will be there. The hospital was full of people just waiting to meet you. Not quite sure how the other families, nurses, and doctor's felt about it, but who cares. When we look back over this day, we will laugh, and remember that we started breaking rules for you, before you were 3 hours old. Only 2 at a time, yeah, that didn't work.
I was yelled at by a nurse, because apparently, I was not allowed to leave the room with you. But Grandpa, and Uncle Warrior were waiting to see you. Uncle Rob, and Uncle Scott, snuck in.
Aunt Heather and auntie Christina were already in the room. Aunt Jen was there the whole time.
As you start you new and exciting life, just remember that you will never ever be alone. There are far too many people who love you, to protect you, and to hold you.
As your Grandma ( Nana, Oma, Grand-mama - whatever you decide ) I will spoil you, yet also be there to help show you the way.
Your parents are wonderful. Wait, and you will see! today you will meet your Uncle Josh, who I am sure will become your greatest fan.
Landon, I promise to teach you about God, so that you may grow up knowing in your heart that he is there, and that he loves you!
Now rest little man, for you have a wonderful journey ahead of you!
Love you
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The frog was green.
I can remember it as clear as yesterday. We were both sitting on the bed together, just enjoying each others company. All of a sudden, he started telling me, with excitement in his voice, all about the frog that he had seen. He and his Dad had gone for a walk together by the River. The dogs were running around all over the place, it would seem, when he spotted it. This Big, Green Frog.
Oh the excitement in his eyes, as he began to re-tell the whole story so that I could share.
I sat there in complete and total awe. I realized at that very moment, that I was actually having a conversation with him, My boy, My Josh! He was just a baby, and yet, I am having a conversation with him.
He must have been 2 & 1/2 or 3 at that time. Yesterday, he turned 16. Gone are the days of frogs, and riding his bicycle in the living room. He is all grown up, and as such, the spinning wheel of the "price is right" , or doing a little jig with the Fresh Prince of Belair, are simply memories in my mind.
When did it happen ? Where did the time go?
Now, let me tell you a little about Josh today, He is completely obsessed with 3 things, his bicycle ( he has always loved anything on wheels - even rollerskating at 1 year old - yes I have pictures to prove it ) 2) his computer, I am sure that he will be the first volunteer for some sort of implant - lol and 3) Guitar Hero - that is a little like his Mom, he does like games. This is what he does.
This is who Josh is: He is an incredible loving individual, he is strong, yet sensitive, and trustworthy. His laughter, makes me melt, for it reminds me of just how much I love him. Josh has a sarcastic side, that makes me bust a gut. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't laugh, but I just can't help it. He is funny. The boy has a mind, and character all of his own. he is the type of individual who captivates a room, not because he does anything special, but because he is Special. My Boy, My Son, is cool. He doesn't fit in anywhere, but he fits in everywhere.
He finds good in everything, and is still willing to give his old Mom a hug from time to time.
Ok, I'll admit it. the boy has me wrapped around his little finger. He bats his Baby Blues, and I cave. But let me add just one more thing. He was a gift to me. More important than all that I have. I would give anything for Josh, My child. I would rather be accused of loving the man that he has become too much, than to look back and wonder if I should have done more.
I am proud of my son. Of who he is, and for what he will acheive. The Funny thing is, just like the very first conversation I ever had with him, I still sit and listen with awe.
He may have outgrown the training wheels, and sippy cups, but I still look forward to each and everyday with him. Josh was and continues to be the greatest gift God has given me.
I love my Boy.
Oh the excitement in his eyes, as he began to re-tell the whole story so that I could share.
I sat there in complete and total awe. I realized at that very moment, that I was actually having a conversation with him, My boy, My Josh! He was just a baby, and yet, I am having a conversation with him.
He must have been 2 & 1/2 or 3 at that time. Yesterday, he turned 16. Gone are the days of frogs, and riding his bicycle in the living room. He is all grown up, and as such, the spinning wheel of the "price is right" , or doing a little jig with the Fresh Prince of Belair, are simply memories in my mind.
When did it happen ? Where did the time go?
Now, let me tell you a little about Josh today, He is completely obsessed with 3 things, his bicycle ( he has always loved anything on wheels - even rollerskating at 1 year old - yes I have pictures to prove it ) 2) his computer, I am sure that he will be the first volunteer for some sort of implant - lol and 3) Guitar Hero - that is a little like his Mom, he does like games. This is what he does.
This is who Josh is: He is an incredible loving individual, he is strong, yet sensitive, and trustworthy. His laughter, makes me melt, for it reminds me of just how much I love him. Josh has a sarcastic side, that makes me bust a gut. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't laugh, but I just can't help it. He is funny. The boy has a mind, and character all of his own. he is the type of individual who captivates a room, not because he does anything special, but because he is Special. My Boy, My Son, is cool. He doesn't fit in anywhere, but he fits in everywhere.
He finds good in everything, and is still willing to give his old Mom a hug from time to time.
Ok, I'll admit it. the boy has me wrapped around his little finger. He bats his Baby Blues, and I cave. But let me add just one more thing. He was a gift to me. More important than all that I have. I would give anything for Josh, My child. I would rather be accused of loving the man that he has become too much, than to look back and wonder if I should have done more.
I am proud of my son. Of who he is, and for what he will acheive. The Funny thing is, just like the very first conversation I ever had with him, I still sit and listen with awe.
He may have outgrown the training wheels, and sippy cups, but I still look forward to each and everyday with him. Josh was and continues to be the greatest gift God has given me.
I love my Boy.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
New beginnings and new endings
Yes, I know that it has been a while. Let's just say that I have been busy.
It would appear that I have something called Adenomyosis. Basically it is a mass inside my uterine wall. I have to admit that it has been a very difficult, and painful process to find out. both physically and emotionally. I've had to fight just to be seen by doctors, gone for tests at the wee hours of the morning, and I am still waiting for more.
Not been a fun place for me the last 2 months.
Saying that, I have been gifted a new found strength. I am not letting it affect me in the same way that I would have in the past. Imagine, a life without depressive feelings. The one thing I realized recently, is that I am no longer depressed. What a feeling. It is so amazing, so wonderful, and if I am lucky, permanent too.
I don't hold to that though. I'm not sure when the dark will return, but today, I am free.
I do have so much to be grateful for. Yes, only a few more weeks until I become a GRANDMA. My daughter is patiently waiting too. My Son will be 16 really soon. When did he grow up?
So much life going on, so many new beginnings.
Hysterectomy, well at this point, I would welcome it with open arms. I'm ready, at 39, to watch my grown children take on their lives. I am blessed, because I am still so young, that I can do everything, and yet old enough to be able to enjoy every accomplishment that my kids experience. I love watching them. They teach me so much.
My time to have children is over. I've known that for a very long time. I am ready to be Grandma, I am ready to be the youngest grandma that some of you know. I am also ready to be the coolest grandma out there!
Adenomyosis, it is painful. VERY painful. It is stopping me from living life to the fullest right now. the cure, is right in front of me. Now it is simply a matter of convincing the Hospitals to do surgery. With my family doctor's help ( and yes, he is a very good doctor ), I'll get there soon enough.
Until then, I think I'll just try and remember how blessed I am.
It would appear that I have something called Adenomyosis. Basically it is a mass inside my uterine wall. I have to admit that it has been a very difficult, and painful process to find out. both physically and emotionally. I've had to fight just to be seen by doctors, gone for tests at the wee hours of the morning, and I am still waiting for more.
Not been a fun place for me the last 2 months.
Saying that, I have been gifted a new found strength. I am not letting it affect me in the same way that I would have in the past. Imagine, a life without depressive feelings. The one thing I realized recently, is that I am no longer depressed. What a feeling. It is so amazing, so wonderful, and if I am lucky, permanent too.
I don't hold to that though. I'm not sure when the dark will return, but today, I am free.
I do have so much to be grateful for. Yes, only a few more weeks until I become a GRANDMA. My daughter is patiently waiting too. My Son will be 16 really soon. When did he grow up?
So much life going on, so many new beginnings.
Hysterectomy, well at this point, I would welcome it with open arms. I'm ready, at 39, to watch my grown children take on their lives. I am blessed, because I am still so young, that I can do everything, and yet old enough to be able to enjoy every accomplishment that my kids experience. I love watching them. They teach me so much.
My time to have children is over. I've known that for a very long time. I am ready to be Grandma, I am ready to be the youngest grandma that some of you know. I am also ready to be the coolest grandma out there!
Adenomyosis, it is painful. VERY painful. It is stopping me from living life to the fullest right now. the cure, is right in front of me. Now it is simply a matter of convincing the Hospitals to do surgery. With my family doctor's help ( and yes, he is a very good doctor ), I'll get there soon enough.
Until then, I think I'll just try and remember how blessed I am.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
When the voices are not heard
The last few visits I have had with my sister Joanne were quite interesting. She has had her surgery for gallstones. When my Mother and I looked at her, we could tell instantly there was something wrong. Joanne was lethargic, and not acting as her usual self. She did manage to get me into a rather good headlock hug, but otherwise, we could tell she was in pain. The infirmary staff dismissed our concerns, once again, because Jo does not show pain the same way that we do. She does not cry, nor make a sound. Difficult to read her, but once you have spent anytime with her, you just know. Maybe it's the mother in me, but I know my sis, and can read the discomfort.
It was not until a regular staff member saw Jo, that they decided to do something. Off for an X-ray, and then they discovered that her hip was broken. The assumption now is that it broke during the surgery, while they were moving her. So, long story short, Joanne has been suffering for several weeks. When they called the Kingston hospital to advise them they were coming, the emergency room advised those caring for my sister to wait, because she would not be taken care of for several hours, or possibly days. Now, there is a battle to determine which hospital will serve her. Ottawa or Kingston, we will find out tomorrow. Neither one wants to do it. Another night of pain for Jo, all because of her handicap. Let me ask this! What would you do if you broke a bone? Would you accept hearing " Don't come today, we are busy"?
My sister's story, unfortunately, is a common one. Hard to believe in this day and age, that there is stigma, and biases against certain medical conditions. Take mental health as an example. Every single one of us has been affected by some sort of mental health issues. Depression, mania, schizophrenia, anxiety, and the list goes on and on. It is something that we all pity, or minimize. "Oh, chin up, you'll feel better in the morning!" Have you said that to someone, or even worse, have you heard it from the ones that you love?
Each and every day, we come across people that will affect us in some way. the vagrant on the street talking to himself, the drug addict who is simply trying to stop the noises in her head. Generally, we cross the street, don't we? Our child becomes aggressive, and we can't figure out why. When a love one commits suicide, we are left to figure out what went wrong. It makes no sense. WHY DIDN'T THEY GET HELP?
Let me tell you why? The help, it's not always there. We can fool ourselves into thinking that there are supports out there to meet the needs of everyone who is suffering, but the reality is, we fall short, very short, of having that be a reality.
Many people do not have a voice. Joanne cannot speak, therefore she relies on us to figure it out. Someone suffering form a mental illness, whether they know it or not, also needs someone to speak for them. Someone needs to care, to learn and understand who these people are, so that they can identify changes in behaviors, in attitudes.
The Royal Ottawa Hospital has come out with this incredible campaign to raise funds for their programs. Daniel Alfredson is the face to the campaign. his sister suffers from a mental illness. I strongly encourage all of you to check out the website:
http://www.youknowwhoiam.com/
Raise your voice for those who do not have one. Do not fear these people, try to understand and love them. No matter how hard it can be. As a christian I am supposed to love others, Just as Christ loves me. Our example, Jesus Christ, DIED For US! He did not come hear to teach a select few, he came to heal us all. We are all chosen by God, but those of us who accept him as our Savior have an extra responsibility to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves. We should not judge or fear.
Perhaps there is something that you can do in your community. Maybe, just Maybe, it's as simple as a smile to the stranger in front of you. Who knows, that smile may have just saved a life! Remember, they are all human beings, and most of them just want to be "normal". Living in pain, is not living. Being loved, for who they are, is abundance.
Jo's hip will be taken care of, let's make sure that others also get the care, love and support services they need. Let's face it, that person may very well be you. Do something.....
It was not until a regular staff member saw Jo, that they decided to do something. Off for an X-ray, and then they discovered that her hip was broken. The assumption now is that it broke during the surgery, while they were moving her. So, long story short, Joanne has been suffering for several weeks. When they called the Kingston hospital to advise them they were coming, the emergency room advised those caring for my sister to wait, because she would not be taken care of for several hours, or possibly days. Now, there is a battle to determine which hospital will serve her. Ottawa or Kingston, we will find out tomorrow. Neither one wants to do it. Another night of pain for Jo, all because of her handicap. Let me ask this! What would you do if you broke a bone? Would you accept hearing " Don't come today, we are busy"?
My sister's story, unfortunately, is a common one. Hard to believe in this day and age, that there is stigma, and biases against certain medical conditions. Take mental health as an example. Every single one of us has been affected by some sort of mental health issues. Depression, mania, schizophrenia, anxiety, and the list goes on and on. It is something that we all pity, or minimize. "Oh, chin up, you'll feel better in the morning!" Have you said that to someone, or even worse, have you heard it from the ones that you love?
Each and every day, we come across people that will affect us in some way. the vagrant on the street talking to himself, the drug addict who is simply trying to stop the noises in her head. Generally, we cross the street, don't we? Our child becomes aggressive, and we can't figure out why. When a love one commits suicide, we are left to figure out what went wrong. It makes no sense. WHY DIDN'T THEY GET HELP?
Let me tell you why? The help, it's not always there. We can fool ourselves into thinking that there are supports out there to meet the needs of everyone who is suffering, but the reality is, we fall short, very short, of having that be a reality.
Many people do not have a voice. Joanne cannot speak, therefore she relies on us to figure it out. Someone suffering form a mental illness, whether they know it or not, also needs someone to speak for them. Someone needs to care, to learn and understand who these people are, so that they can identify changes in behaviors, in attitudes.
The Royal Ottawa Hospital has come out with this incredible campaign to raise funds for their programs. Daniel Alfredson is the face to the campaign. his sister suffers from a mental illness. I strongly encourage all of you to check out the website:
http://www.youknowwhoiam.com/
Raise your voice for those who do not have one. Do not fear these people, try to understand and love them. No matter how hard it can be. As a christian I am supposed to love others, Just as Christ loves me. Our example, Jesus Christ, DIED For US! He did not come hear to teach a select few, he came to heal us all. We are all chosen by God, but those of us who accept him as our Savior have an extra responsibility to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves. We should not judge or fear.
Perhaps there is something that you can do in your community. Maybe, just Maybe, it's as simple as a smile to the stranger in front of you. Who knows, that smile may have just saved a life! Remember, they are all human beings, and most of them just want to be "normal". Living in pain, is not living. Being loved, for who they are, is abundance.
Jo's hip will be taken care of, let's make sure that others also get the care, love and support services they need. Let's face it, that person may very well be you. Do something.....
Sunday, October 12, 2008
hehehehehe
Laughter, I don't think that there is anything more therapeutic, heart warming, or energizing.
Last night I laughed. I spent the evening with the people I love the most, and we laughed. My daughter has an incredible sense of humor. She can make me giggle with the simplest things. My grandchild made me laugh. He is stuck inside this little tiny belly, trying to move around, but limited in his mobility. I am sure he was kicking me, just because he wanted me to know that he was there - lol! Giggled to the point where I was close to tears!
There is nothing like a good belly laugh to make you feel so much better. Laughter seems to be able to lift your spirits in a way that nothing else can. Yes my spirits needed lifting too.
Hearing other people laugh is also amazing. I sat there last night, listening to John laugh, and it was just nice, to hear him laugh that way, to see him that relaxed, it's nice.
Monty, the son-in-law, has this laugh that is so genuine, that I smile every single time I hear it.
My son, was not hanging with us after dinner last night. He considers us silly, and let's face it, he's 15. but let me tell you something about him. He has this incredibly dry, sarcastic humor. Actually, he has my sense of humor. He makes me bust a gut. But there is nothing, and I mean nothing, greater than hearing him belly laugh.
I guess what I am trying to say, is just how lucky I am to have been able to spend an evening laughing. We were silly, goofy, and downright stupid at times, but I would not have changed a single thing. Today, my heart is filled with joy.
Last night I laughed. I spent the evening with the people I love the most, and we laughed. My daughter has an incredible sense of humor. She can make me giggle with the simplest things. My grandchild made me laugh. He is stuck inside this little tiny belly, trying to move around, but limited in his mobility. I am sure he was kicking me, just because he wanted me to know that he was there - lol! Giggled to the point where I was close to tears!
There is nothing like a good belly laugh to make you feel so much better. Laughter seems to be able to lift your spirits in a way that nothing else can. Yes my spirits needed lifting too.
Hearing other people laugh is also amazing. I sat there last night, listening to John laugh, and it was just nice, to hear him laugh that way, to see him that relaxed, it's nice.
Monty, the son-in-law, has this laugh that is so genuine, that I smile every single time I hear it.
My son, was not hanging with us after dinner last night. He considers us silly, and let's face it, he's 15. but let me tell you something about him. He has this incredibly dry, sarcastic humor. Actually, he has my sense of humor. He makes me bust a gut. But there is nothing, and I mean nothing, greater than hearing him belly laugh.
I guess what I am trying to say, is just how lucky I am to have been able to spend an evening laughing. We were silly, goofy, and downright stupid at times, but I would not have changed a single thing. Today, my heart is filled with joy.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The fun, Perky, yummy Chantal
Good Morning World!
It's 8:51 am, and I am sitting here planning my day. So far, I have one concrete thing to do. My goal, what I want to achieve, more than anything else, is to remain positive. If I can do that, then I am going to have a wonderful day.
Some of you know that I have not been 100% well for several weeks now. Yes, there is more testing to come, and questions still need to be answered. Fair enough, this stuff takes time.
The difficult thing is, while all of this is occurring, I am still left with the pain to deal with, the lack of energy, and the inability to do things in the same capacity as I used to. It can be so bloody frustrating.
The very worst part, the thing that gets me the most, is the fact that I feel like I am constantly whining about it. It is such a focus of my attention. More often than not, I want to avoid people, simply because I know that right now I am not able to do certain things. I hate the idea that people will adapt their behaviors to accommodate me.
Sometimes, I feel that Chantal was lost. The Fun, Perky, freaky, yummy Chantal, is somewhere inside, dying to get out. She is facing a wall of crap, trying to climb it, but there are obstacles as she does. From a positive perspective, I can feel her wanting to come out again. Like a veil being lifted, she is there in the horizon, walking towards me. For those of you who remember that Chantal, Well, look out, she is close!!!!!!!!
Be afraid, be very afraid! lol!
As I get closer to finding out the solution to my physical issues, I need to be grateful, because throughout this last experience, I am realizing more and more, that I am feeling better emotionally. I am getting stronger with my thoughts, and attitudes. I can re-direct, re-evaluate, and I am even learning to let things go. ( Yeah I know, I've cried like a baby this week, but I am still better than I was - lol)
Perhaps the physical issues are occurring to show me that I still have so much to be thankful for.
All I know, is that throughout all of this crap, I'm still happier than I have been in a long time.
It's 8:51 am, and I am sitting here planning my day. So far, I have one concrete thing to do. My goal, what I want to achieve, more than anything else, is to remain positive. If I can do that, then I am going to have a wonderful day.
Some of you know that I have not been 100% well for several weeks now. Yes, there is more testing to come, and questions still need to be answered. Fair enough, this stuff takes time.
The difficult thing is, while all of this is occurring, I am still left with the pain to deal with, the lack of energy, and the inability to do things in the same capacity as I used to. It can be so bloody frustrating.
The very worst part, the thing that gets me the most, is the fact that I feel like I am constantly whining about it. It is such a focus of my attention. More often than not, I want to avoid people, simply because I know that right now I am not able to do certain things. I hate the idea that people will adapt their behaviors to accommodate me.
Sometimes, I feel that Chantal was lost. The Fun, Perky, freaky, yummy Chantal, is somewhere inside, dying to get out. She is facing a wall of crap, trying to climb it, but there are obstacles as she does. From a positive perspective, I can feel her wanting to come out again. Like a veil being lifted, she is there in the horizon, walking towards me. For those of you who remember that Chantal, Well, look out, she is close!!!!!!!!
Be afraid, be very afraid! lol!
As I get closer to finding out the solution to my physical issues, I need to be grateful, because throughout this last experience, I am realizing more and more, that I am feeling better emotionally. I am getting stronger with my thoughts, and attitudes. I can re-direct, re-evaluate, and I am even learning to let things go. ( Yeah I know, I've cried like a baby this week, but I am still better than I was - lol)
Perhaps the physical issues are occurring to show me that I still have so much to be thankful for.
All I know, is that throughout all of this crap, I'm still happier than I have been in a long time.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
on being home!
I was in Edmonton for 5 days with my mother and siblings. I had a good time. It was interesting to re-connect with them, and to get to know them all a little better. Certainly, I loved the time with my Mom too. I love my family, and am glad that we shared the experience.
I have to admit, I am glad to be at home. Last night, I was dropped off at a friends house. Inside were my husband and my closest - my BEST - friends. It is amazing. I cannot imagine life without them now. These people, who stumbled into my life, now hold such a special place in my heart.
I can't help but express how very much I love these people. I am sitting here trying to remember the exact moment that I realized that I had fallen head over heels, but I can't. There are so many types of love. Romantic, parental, friendly ect... and yet, the love that I feel for them, I cannot easily describe. It is just an incredible feeling of admiration, sharing, responsibility. It's a feeling of safety and satisfaction. Even that does not describe it. There is teasing, and laughing. Guilt and apologies, and hugs, I just love the hugs.
Perhaps, that is what family truly is. No, forget that "perhaps", it IS what family is. When I get butterflies walking into a room full of people that I haven't seen in just 5 days, and still need to hold in tears of joy in seeing them, it proves beyond a shadow of doubt, that these are the people I want to be with. Calling them friends seems to somehow cheapen it. They are all more than that. So much more.
I am blessed beyond measures. I have a man who loves me, my children are the apples of my eyes, and then I have this group of people, and you all know who you are, that will always, let me repeat, ALWAYS be a part of my heart, and hopefully my life. These are the people I want to grow old with.
Thank you all, for allowing me to feel such an incredibly powerful experience.
I'm so glad to be home!!!
I think I missed you :)
I have to admit, I am glad to be at home. Last night, I was dropped off at a friends house. Inside were my husband and my closest - my BEST - friends. It is amazing. I cannot imagine life without them now. These people, who stumbled into my life, now hold such a special place in my heart.
I can't help but express how very much I love these people. I am sitting here trying to remember the exact moment that I realized that I had fallen head over heels, but I can't. There are so many types of love. Romantic, parental, friendly ect... and yet, the love that I feel for them, I cannot easily describe. It is just an incredible feeling of admiration, sharing, responsibility. It's a feeling of safety and satisfaction. Even that does not describe it. There is teasing, and laughing. Guilt and apologies, and hugs, I just love the hugs.
Perhaps, that is what family truly is. No, forget that "perhaps", it IS what family is. When I get butterflies walking into a room full of people that I haven't seen in just 5 days, and still need to hold in tears of joy in seeing them, it proves beyond a shadow of doubt, that these are the people I want to be with. Calling them friends seems to somehow cheapen it. They are all more than that. So much more.
I am blessed beyond measures. I have a man who loves me, my children are the apples of my eyes, and then I have this group of people, and you all know who you are, that will always, let me repeat, ALWAYS be a part of my heart, and hopefully my life. These are the people I want to grow old with.
Thank you all, for allowing me to feel such an incredibly powerful experience.
I'm so glad to be home!!!
I think I missed you :)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
EYES WIDE SHUT
Good Morning all!
3:00am. Lying in bed, closing my eyes, thinking to myself, you have 2 more hours to sleep. Just close your eyes. I was forcing my eyes shut, and yet, they are so wide open. I am excited, and I just can't sleep.
In just a few short hours, I will be on a plane Headed to Edmonton to visit my sister Monique. Not only is that exciting, but I am also going with My Mom, Pierre, Nicole and Suzanne. Yep, my siblings. This is the very first time that we are taking a trip together. We grew up together, shared a house, and yet, we have never traveled together.
This is a very exciting time for me. For all of us really. It is also very frightening. LOL. Our family can be like a pack of lion. We hunt together, protected each other, and love one another fiercely. But throw us a bone, and there is the potential of a fight at any time. We are all nervous.
So, why am I so excited then? Well, it's the make or break, right? Call me optimistic, but I somehow hold the notion that this will bring us closer together. Yes, I have heard alot of negative from well, everyone but I can't help but think that we are going to get together, laugh, cry, and just enjoy one another as we are.
We are all very different. VERY different. Sometimes, it can seem that there is no way we are family. Yet, when you take away the hats that we wear, we are all very much the same. We have the same neurosis' , the same needs to be acknowledged.
My Mom, is amazing. And I fully intend to make sure that she has a blast. This trip, is for her. Ok, you are right. This trip is for us... The Quesnel clan. Perhaps this is the healing that we will all need. If not, well, I get along with everyone, so I'm still going to have a great time.
Edmonton, will never be the same again. ok got to go finsh packing- lol
3:00am. Lying in bed, closing my eyes, thinking to myself, you have 2 more hours to sleep. Just close your eyes. I was forcing my eyes shut, and yet, they are so wide open. I am excited, and I just can't sleep.
In just a few short hours, I will be on a plane Headed to Edmonton to visit my sister Monique. Not only is that exciting, but I am also going with My Mom, Pierre, Nicole and Suzanne. Yep, my siblings. This is the very first time that we are taking a trip together. We grew up together, shared a house, and yet, we have never traveled together.
This is a very exciting time for me. For all of us really. It is also very frightening. LOL. Our family can be like a pack of lion. We hunt together, protected each other, and love one another fiercely. But throw us a bone, and there is the potential of a fight at any time. We are all nervous.
So, why am I so excited then? Well, it's the make or break, right? Call me optimistic, but I somehow hold the notion that this will bring us closer together. Yes, I have heard alot of negative from well, everyone but I can't help but think that we are going to get together, laugh, cry, and just enjoy one another as we are.
We are all very different. VERY different. Sometimes, it can seem that there is no way we are family. Yet, when you take away the hats that we wear, we are all very much the same. We have the same neurosis' , the same needs to be acknowledged.
My Mom, is amazing. And I fully intend to make sure that she has a blast. This trip, is for her. Ok, you are right. This trip is for us... The Quesnel clan. Perhaps this is the healing that we will all need. If not, well, I get along with everyone, so I'm still going to have a great time.
Edmonton, will never be the same again. ok got to go finsh packing- lol
Saturday, September 20, 2008
They're the people that you meet each day
Have you ever wondered how amazing the human mind is? I am sitting here, looking at this blank page, and immediately what comes to mind is a song from Sesame Street.
Well, they're the people that you meet
http://www.songlyrics.com/song-lyrics/Sesame_Street/Miscellaneous/People_In_Your_Neighborhood/98341.html
Do you remember it? Or am I simply aging myself here!
We come across so many people in our daily lives. Each an every one of them has the incredible power to change our lives. Strangers can smile and brighten your day. Others, can bump into you, and cause you to go into a tirade about how society has lost it's social graces. Some can cause you to lose hope, while others can show you incredible courage, allowing you to find strength within yourself, that you never even knew you had.
So here is my question. How do you respond? In as much as we can be influenced by other peoples actions, it only stands to reason that WE have the same power of influence. Do you hold the door open for the business woman who just knocked the bag out of your hand. Do you smile at the woman who is trying to control her 2 year old's tantrum, or do you give her a disapproving look? Do you respond out of anger, when the guy in the sports car cuts you off? Give him the one finger salute? Or do you try to look at it from a different perspective. His wife just went into labor and he is rushing home, Her child has been sick for a week, and the woman needed a break.
Each and every day, I choose to respond. I can allow my emotions to control me. I can set up "rules" for what is right, and what is wrong, and then judge others by this ever flowing, constantly changing set of guidelines. The problem with that is.... Others have their own defined measuring stick as well. And thus, I am being judged the same way that I am judging others.
What do I do to make things a little better for the stranger in front of me? Can I make a difference? Absolutely. You see, how we respond towards others, give us an opportunity to speak into the lives of those around us. We have control over how impatient we are. Perhaps by telling the clerk who served you at the store, that he did a good job, will allow him to take pride in his work. This in turn, will influence how he responds to the next customer.
Of course, there is a catch. Living this way can be really hard. Let's face it, some people are asses. Plain and simple. There is no "justifying", they are asses. You want to tell them, or tell someone else. But perhaps, an act of kindness will change how they respond when they go home. Maybe he / she won't beat their kids tonight.
I do struggle with this philosophy. I struggle putting it into practice. I hear horror stories every day, and sometimes it can be really discouraging to find positive in anything at all. It is however, my RESPONSIBILITY to try and live it out. It is a choice I made when I decided to follow Jesus, to live by God's word. If I am worthy of Grace - which I am - then so are all of the people that we meet each day. Show them the Grace that you have so readily accepted for yourself. Perhaps it is exactly what they need today. I know it is what I need.
Remember folks " God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." John 3:17 - The message.
Well, they're the people that you meet
When you're walking down the street
They're the people that you meet each day
http://www.songlyrics.com/song-lyrics/Sesame_Street/Miscellaneous/People_In_Your_Neighborhood/98341.htmlDo you remember it? Or am I simply aging myself here!
We come across so many people in our daily lives. Each an every one of them has the incredible power to change our lives. Strangers can smile and brighten your day. Others, can bump into you, and cause you to go into a tirade about how society has lost it's social graces. Some can cause you to lose hope, while others can show you incredible courage, allowing you to find strength within yourself, that you never even knew you had.
So here is my question. How do you respond? In as much as we can be influenced by other peoples actions, it only stands to reason that WE have the same power of influence. Do you hold the door open for the business woman who just knocked the bag out of your hand. Do you smile at the woman who is trying to control her 2 year old's tantrum, or do you give her a disapproving look? Do you respond out of anger, when the guy in the sports car cuts you off? Give him the one finger salute? Or do you try to look at it from a different perspective. His wife just went into labor and he is rushing home, Her child has been sick for a week, and the woman needed a break.
Each and every day, I choose to respond. I can allow my emotions to control me. I can set up "rules" for what is right, and what is wrong, and then judge others by this ever flowing, constantly changing set of guidelines. The problem with that is.... Others have their own defined measuring stick as well. And thus, I am being judged the same way that I am judging others.
What do I do to make things a little better for the stranger in front of me? Can I make a difference? Absolutely. You see, how we respond towards others, give us an opportunity to speak into the lives of those around us. We have control over how impatient we are. Perhaps by telling the clerk who served you at the store, that he did a good job, will allow him to take pride in his work. This in turn, will influence how he responds to the next customer.
Of course, there is a catch. Living this way can be really hard. Let's face it, some people are asses. Plain and simple. There is no "justifying", they are asses. You want to tell them, or tell someone else. But perhaps, an act of kindness will change how they respond when they go home. Maybe he / she won't beat their kids tonight.
I do struggle with this philosophy. I struggle putting it into practice. I hear horror stories every day, and sometimes it can be really discouraging to find positive in anything at all. It is however, my RESPONSIBILITY to try and live it out. It is a choice I made when I decided to follow Jesus, to live by God's word. If I am worthy of Grace - which I am - then so are all of the people that we meet each day. Show them the Grace that you have so readily accepted for yourself. Perhaps it is exactly what they need today. I know it is what I need.
Remember folks " God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." John 3:17 - The message.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Albert Einstein reduces boredom.
I have had a lot of time on my hands in the last 10 days. I have been sick, and in extreme pain. I have visited 1 clinic and been to the hospital twice now. Long story short the doctor's told me " we can tell you what you don't have". Very frustrating. They did however, determine that I have ovarian cysts and Fibroids in the uterus. Let me just say, ouch! Even on morphine, Ouch!
Anyways, as a result of this 10 days of pain, I have been unable to do anything other than sleep, watch TV, and surf the net. TV is extremely boring. How I was ever able to spend hours in front of it in the past is completely beyond me. I am now completely caught up on CSI Miami, and Family Guy. - lol
The other thing I have been doing is Stumbling online. It is incredible the amount of useless information that one can view. I have seen so many pictures, it is becoming difficult to determine which are real, and which are photo shopped. lol! Ok not really, but c'mon folks.
Every once in a while, I do find something that amuses me. I have always been a big fan of Albert Einstein. No, not the scientist, but the man himself. I'm not even sure why, other than his attitude in life. This was an incredibly intelligent and powerful man, and yet, he also seemed to have a love of life, and a childlike enthusiasm. He would pose for pictures, with his tongue sticking out. He was brilliant, and so real at the same time. I don't understand his scientific thoughts or theories. As a matter of fact, I don't even try. What I do enjoy about him, is his thoughts on life.
I found this, and thought that I would share it with you. It's 30 of his greatest quotes. Albert Einstein was not only a great scientist, but also a man who loved life....
http://www.2spare.com/item_92759.aspx
Anyways, as a result of this 10 days of pain, I have been unable to do anything other than sleep, watch TV, and surf the net. TV is extremely boring. How I was ever able to spend hours in front of it in the past is completely beyond me. I am now completely caught up on CSI Miami, and Family Guy. - lol
The other thing I have been doing is Stumbling online. It is incredible the amount of useless information that one can view. I have seen so many pictures, it is becoming difficult to determine which are real, and which are photo shopped. lol! Ok not really, but c'mon folks.
Every once in a while, I do find something that amuses me. I have always been a big fan of Albert Einstein. No, not the scientist, but the man himself. I'm not even sure why, other than his attitude in life. This was an incredibly intelligent and powerful man, and yet, he also seemed to have a love of life, and a childlike enthusiasm. He would pose for pictures, with his tongue sticking out. He was brilliant, and so real at the same time. I don't understand his scientific thoughts or theories. As a matter of fact, I don't even try. What I do enjoy about him, is his thoughts on life.
I found this, and thought that I would share it with you. It's 30 of his greatest quotes. Albert Einstein was not only a great scientist, but also a man who loved life....
http://www.2spare.com/item_92759.aspx
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The Dutch
My husband is a Canadian, born and raised here. His parents, however are Dutch. I can remember the first time I went there. It was very exciting to meet his family, but I must admit that I was completely clueless. First, they are dairy Farmers.
I spent so much time trying to understand how it is more accurate to hand draw a new calf, rather than taking a polaroid. Apparently, a picture does not do it justice. My father in law spent about 10 minutes trying to explain, then gave up out of frustration, with an Arrrghhk to boot.
I was also amazed at the amount of laughter and joy that I saw within that home. Everyone would sit around the table, sharing a meal, and there was teasing, joking, and a genuine joy at the idea that everyone was together. All that and the sticky fly tape hanging over the Dinner table.
They pray before and after every meal. They even read Bible stories for the younger children to enjoy. It was such an alien concept to me. To this day, I still enjoy the fact that they pray as a family. Ohhh, and I can't forget kinipiches ( don't even know how to spell that one). They are these truly yummy cookies that my mother in law makes. I've eaten so many, and it is always a treat to get some to take home.
Saying that, I have to admit that I am still ignorant of the Dutch culture. I wish I had the opportunity to visit Holland and experience first hand the lifestyle. This morning I was Stumbling, and I came across this site that made me laugh. A woman is explaining the 10 things she learned while in Holland. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did:
http://dailycandor.com/10-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-the-dutch
There are things that I have learned as well, including:
a sandwhich usually only uses one piece of Bread
My Father in law will belt out a tune as loud as he can, regardless of his singing ability.
My Mother in law will always be positive, no matter what the situation is.
My in-laws are always up for a practical joke.
Now, I don't know if that is because they are Dutch, but it doesn't matter either way, because they are awesome!
I spent so much time trying to understand how it is more accurate to hand draw a new calf, rather than taking a polaroid. Apparently, a picture does not do it justice. My father in law spent about 10 minutes trying to explain, then gave up out of frustration, with an Arrrghhk to boot.
I was also amazed at the amount of laughter and joy that I saw within that home. Everyone would sit around the table, sharing a meal, and there was teasing, joking, and a genuine joy at the idea that everyone was together. All that and the sticky fly tape hanging over the Dinner table.
They pray before and after every meal. They even read Bible stories for the younger children to enjoy. It was such an alien concept to me. To this day, I still enjoy the fact that they pray as a family. Ohhh, and I can't forget kinipiches ( don't even know how to spell that one). They are these truly yummy cookies that my mother in law makes. I've eaten so many, and it is always a treat to get some to take home.
Saying that, I have to admit that I am still ignorant of the Dutch culture. I wish I had the opportunity to visit Holland and experience first hand the lifestyle. This morning I was Stumbling, and I came across this site that made me laugh. A woman is explaining the 10 things she learned while in Holland. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did:
http://dailycandor.com/10-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-the-dutch
There are things that I have learned as well, including:
a sandwhich usually only uses one piece of Bread
My Father in law will belt out a tune as loud as he can, regardless of his singing ability.
My Mother in law will always be positive, no matter what the situation is.
My in-laws are always up for a practical joke.
Now, I don't know if that is because they are Dutch, but it doesn't matter either way, because they are awesome!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Absolutely Awesome!
I am encouraged today. People sent me jokes- lol! How great is it to know that even strangers will step up when someone is in need. Truly amazing.
Kinda makes you want to go and swing on swings, or jump in puddles doesn't it?
I can remember being a little girl, and I had this bathing suit that looked like Wonder Woman's costume. I would spin and spin just to watch the little skirt swirl about in the air. At that moment, I WAS Wonder Woman. I would feel so strong, powerful, with my golden Bracelets. I search for the Golden Rope of truth. The best part was doing all of this while it is raining outside. Ahhh, that was the life. such Freedom, happiness and for that moment, I was a hero.
Folks, your responses have made me feel like a little girl. I'm spinning, and at the moment I am part of a great super hero team!
WHAM, BAM, Wonder Woman..........
Kinda makes you want to go and swing on swings, or jump in puddles doesn't it?
I can remember being a little girl, and I had this bathing suit that looked like Wonder Woman's costume. I would spin and spin just to watch the little skirt swirl about in the air. At that moment, I WAS Wonder Woman. I would feel so strong, powerful, with my golden Bracelets. I search for the Golden Rope of truth. The best part was doing all of this while it is raining outside. Ahhh, that was the life. such Freedom, happiness and for that moment, I was a hero.
Folks, your responses have made me feel like a little girl. I'm spinning, and at the moment I am part of a great super hero team!
WHAM, BAM, Wonder Woman..........
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A little while ago, I wrote that people should love like they have never been hurt. It's a bit of a strange statement, when you stop and think about it. One cannot truly experience love, and know love, UNLESS you have been hurt. With hurt, you can realize just what you have, or have lost.
We all do it. Take the people we love for granted, say things that were better left unsaid. We hurt the ones we love. The most amazing thing is that for most, forgiveness is all part of the process.
When i go through my depressive days, I forget just how loved I am. Actually, I don't forget it, it's more like I don't believe it. I just think that I am tolerated, well, because someone needs to tolerate me right? I do exist after all. Many times, I become so insecure, and I search for reinforcement from those around me, and I just can't seem to find the strength on my own. Instead I do one of two things. I either completely shut down, for fear of rejection, or I put my heart out in the open, and look for rejection. It's all or nothing, black and white.
Let me tell you folks, it's awful. It hurts, and in some ways it's all because of LOVE.
Ok, I know you are wondering where I am going with this, so let me explain. The love I am searching for, the one that I need to be able to grasp, the one that I need to love like I have never been hurt before is within me. I need to learn how to love myself. I completely suck at it. I don't understand forgiveness for myself. I am my worst judge and jury.
Amazing isn't it. After all these years, I still struggle with Grace. Not with others though, my goodness, I can forgive the best of the best, and the worst of the worst. I am a big push over. But me, well that is another story. Sad really. And yes, it makes me sad.
There are a few people in my life that I love so much, it does hurt. They are my world, they breath life into me. And yet, I feel so unworthy of the love they try and show me. Let me be brutally honest with you, today, I am hurting like I have loved before, and lost.... This is no ones fault but my own.
Man I just hate days like this....
We all do it. Take the people we love for granted, say things that were better left unsaid. We hurt the ones we love. The most amazing thing is that for most, forgiveness is all part of the process.
When i go through my depressive days, I forget just how loved I am. Actually, I don't forget it, it's more like I don't believe it. I just think that I am tolerated, well, because someone needs to tolerate me right? I do exist after all. Many times, I become so insecure, and I search for reinforcement from those around me, and I just can't seem to find the strength on my own. Instead I do one of two things. I either completely shut down, for fear of rejection, or I put my heart out in the open, and look for rejection. It's all or nothing, black and white.
Let me tell you folks, it's awful. It hurts, and in some ways it's all because of LOVE.
Ok, I know you are wondering where I am going with this, so let me explain. The love I am searching for, the one that I need to be able to grasp, the one that I need to love like I have never been hurt before is within me. I need to learn how to love myself. I completely suck at it. I don't understand forgiveness for myself. I am my worst judge and jury.
Amazing isn't it. After all these years, I still struggle with Grace. Not with others though, my goodness, I can forgive the best of the best, and the worst of the worst. I am a big push over. But me, well that is another story. Sad really. And yes, it makes me sad.
There are a few people in my life that I love so much, it does hurt. They are my world, they breath life into me. And yet, I feel so unworthy of the love they try and show me. Let me be brutally honest with you, today, I am hurting like I have loved before, and lost.... This is no ones fault but my own.
Man I just hate days like this....
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
A great big Sigh, and a smile
MAD is over. That's right, Motorcycle Appreciation Day was yesterday, and now the crew can relax a little. To be completely honest with you, I did not have the proper attitude this year when it came to organizing it. I did not get into it with the idea of saying thanks to all the bikers. I struggled, viewing it as "something else " to do. I felt that I had too much crap on my plate, and alot of times, I felt like I was crumbling.
Now, yesterday, that was a different thing. When I saw just how many people showed up, I was in awe. I'm sure this year was another record breaker. I even had a dude come to me at about 7pm to ask if we were done. He was disappointed when I told him it was over. lol I listened to the people, I talked with them, I laughed. People were happy. Some have come every single year.
The best ( and sometimes worst ) part, you ask? So many of them know me by name. Hey Chantal! How's it going? What new? -lol! They go into great stories, tell me about their trips, their children, grand-children, and some even share the sorrows they have had. And I listen, and struggle to remember their names.
As for the people at Biker's Church... I applaud you all. Everyone worked so hard and so well together, It was as smooth as butter. I was, and am proud, to have worn the white shirt. I am blessed to be in such a committed, and loving circle.
One other thing, and it's the biggie here! Many people ( and I mean many) came to me with questions, because they couldn't figure us out. Why do you do this?, How do you do this?, ok, so what's your real deal here? " you guys are awesome, but you don't make sense"? I was able to answer, in a very typical Chantal way... And that just furthered the conversation.
The best question I got yesterday? The #1 all time, super duper, big grin, happy, giggle question? " I have got to see this for myself, so... What time does your service start on Thursday night????"
Be proud everyone, relax, enjoy today, and know that God is preparing another burnout pit, for those who have yet to meet him....
Now, yesterday, that was a different thing. When I saw just how many people showed up, I was in awe. I'm sure this year was another record breaker. I even had a dude come to me at about 7pm to ask if we were done. He was disappointed when I told him it was over. lol I listened to the people, I talked with them, I laughed. People were happy. Some have come every single year.
The best ( and sometimes worst ) part, you ask? So many of them know me by name. Hey Chantal! How's it going? What new? -lol! They go into great stories, tell me about their trips, their children, grand-children, and some even share the sorrows they have had. And I listen, and struggle to remember their names.
As for the people at Biker's Church... I applaud you all. Everyone worked so hard and so well together, It was as smooth as butter. I was, and am proud, to have worn the white shirt. I am blessed to be in such a committed, and loving circle.
One other thing, and it's the biggie here! Many people ( and I mean many) came to me with questions, because they couldn't figure us out. Why do you do this?, How do you do this?, ok, so what's your real deal here? " you guys are awesome, but you don't make sense"? I was able to answer, in a very typical Chantal way... And that just furthered the conversation.
The best question I got yesterday? The #1 all time, super duper, big grin, happy, giggle question? " I have got to see this for myself, so... What time does your service start on Thursday night????"
Be proud everyone, relax, enjoy today, and know that God is preparing another burnout pit, for those who have yet to meet him....
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I am crack....
I woke up this morning, rolled over, and could not believe it was time to start my day. How could I possibly face it, the way that I felt. That's right, I feel like total crap. Yet I did exactly what I always do. I got up, got ready and was out of the house by 7 ish to get to work.
No one ever took the time to explain to me that as an adult, the world will stop spinning if I decide to take care of myself. That somehow, all of my clients will crumble without my constant support. No one told me, that I was responsible for EVERYTHING...
That's right folks, in my mind, it is all my responsibility. Silly isn't it. No one can do it better than me, they need me, what would happen if..... The world it seems keeps turning, and even more impressive, it keeps moving forward without me.
How egotistical, and even narcissistic of me. I put so much pressure on myself to ALWAYS do the right thing. The thing is, most people don't really give a rats ass either way. Client will be served, work will get done, and I will continue to crash if I don't stop this within myself. I worry, I fret, I crash, and I get very sick, and to be honest, it's all because of the way that I think. How very super-ego of me. ( I need to find a little more ID in me -lol )
The thing is, that because I am this way, I end up not being as productive where it counts. With the people I love. They see me struggle, and nothing they say sinks in. They worry about me, and this in turn causes me to sometimes get worse. They get the crack cocaine of my behavior. you know what I mean eh? The good stuff, the "coke" is reserved for those that I'm paid by, the rest, they get the residual, left over, and loaded with crap rejects. Oven cleaner anyone?
What a sad statement, because, first of all, I am associating my thoughts, feeling, and behaviors with a drug that destroy, and kills. Secondly, the analogy fits. I put all of my energy into trivial things.
My loves ones, deserve so much more, and in this statement I am perfectly right in saying that ONLY I can make a difference to them.
This is the one area that needs to be reversed in my head. To those of you that I love, and you know who you are, I make a promise to you. I plan on continuing my journey, and will always strive to keep you in first place! You are all my golds!
No one ever took the time to explain to me that as an adult, the world will stop spinning if I decide to take care of myself. That somehow, all of my clients will crumble without my constant support. No one told me, that I was responsible for EVERYTHING...
That's right folks, in my mind, it is all my responsibility. Silly isn't it. No one can do it better than me, they need me, what would happen if..... The world it seems keeps turning, and even more impressive, it keeps moving forward without me.
How egotistical, and even narcissistic of me. I put so much pressure on myself to ALWAYS do the right thing. The thing is, most people don't really give a rats ass either way. Client will be served, work will get done, and I will continue to crash if I don't stop this within myself. I worry, I fret, I crash, and I get very sick, and to be honest, it's all because of the way that I think. How very super-ego of me. ( I need to find a little more ID in me -lol )
The thing is, that because I am this way, I end up not being as productive where it counts. With the people I love. They see me struggle, and nothing they say sinks in. They worry about me, and this in turn causes me to sometimes get worse. They get the crack cocaine of my behavior. you know what I mean eh? The good stuff, the "coke" is reserved for those that I'm paid by, the rest, they get the residual, left over, and loaded with crap rejects. Oven cleaner anyone?
What a sad statement, because, first of all, I am associating my thoughts, feeling, and behaviors with a drug that destroy, and kills. Secondly, the analogy fits. I put all of my energy into trivial things.
My loves ones, deserve so much more, and in this statement I am perfectly right in saying that ONLY I can make a difference to them.
This is the one area that needs to be reversed in my head. To those of you that I love, and you know who you are, I make a promise to you. I plan on continuing my journey, and will always strive to keep you in first place! You are all my golds!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Goodbye Mr.Kokanee Ranger... Sir.
I just heard the news, and to be honest, I am terribly distraught. They killed off the Kokanee Ranger. Yeah, Yeah, I know, I voted to kill him, but only because John told me to. Secretly I went back in, and voted again, because I did want to see him live. He was a fine man, and he will be remembered always! Farewell Mr.Kokanee Ranger! You did us proud.
Attached is the article of his untimely death.....
An era is over. The people of Western Canada have voted to Kill Off the Kokanee Ranger. It was a long and vigorous campaign that had hundreds of thousands of votes cast. Voting was extended to multiple locations, giving as many people as possible the chance to influence the outcome.
See more at http://www.rangerliveordie.ca/blog/
Attached is the article of his untimely death.....
An era is over. The people of Western Canada have voted to Kill Off the Kokanee Ranger. It was a long and vigorous campaign that had hundreds of thousands of votes cast. Voting was extended to multiple locations, giving as many people as possible the chance to influence the outcome.
Throughout the summer, votes were being collected at dozens of Glacier Girls parties, through urinal vote counters in bars across Western Canada, and on Heavy.com, where Sasquatch’s Kill Off video had over 600,000 views.
A Kokanee spokesperson expressed mixed feelings about the vote results. "Of course we're sad to see the Ranger go, but the public has spoken, and we're excited about new possibilities and directions." And when asked about the future of Kokanee advertising, they had this to say, "We want to keep things fun and true to the spirit of the beer. One thing is for sure, Kokanee will continue to be all about the great mountain lifestyle of Western Canada."
See more at http://www.rangerliveordie.ca/blog/
Friday, August 15, 2008
Jo
I have a severely disabled Sister. Joanne is 50 years old, and has been in a residential facility for 49 of those years. My parents have always been very active in her life, but they are aging, and not as able to do the things they use to for her. This responsibility is now falling, in part, on me.
Joanne was rushed to the infirmary last Sunday night, in utter pain. Now, first I must make this clear, the ONLY way that my sister shows pain, is by pulling one of her legs up to her stomach. Joanne does not cry, she has never shed a single tear. Jo does not cry out in pain. She cannot communicate the same way you and I do. You have to know Jo, to know that something is wrong.
Anyways, long story short, she has gallstones. One is the size of a golf ball, and then there are also many many more. She was sent for testing, and the Doctor caring for her, tried to get her into surgery ASAP. " Give her antibiotics first for the infection around the gallbladder" is what the hospital said. The Doctor did. Jo responded a little, because the infection was leaving.
Here is the kicker. The Hospital is now saying that Jo needs to be put on a waiting list for surgery. 2 months minimum. Joanne's pain is "not acute enough". Dr.Hamilton, the physician caring for my sister is upset and concerned. She is taking it upon herself to write to the hospital weekly to express her concern for Jo. She is trying to get Jo into surgery as soon as possible.
My sister, cannot walk, talk, feed herself, go to the bathroom, bath herself. My sister needs total care, 24/7, she cannot chew so everything is pureed. She cannot drink liquid, so ever her water has additives in order to solidify it.
My Sister needs surgery, but because she does not express discomfort and pain the same way you and I do, she will wait.
Let's face it, I'm sure that some of you are sitting here thinking " What kind of quality of life does she really have". People have even told me " she would be better off dead". Perhaps that is right, she would be, because she would be in the arms of God. BUT, she is not dead. She is alive, and currently hurting. She is still a valued human being, and she is loved so very much. Joanne deserves the same quality of care as we do. Holy crap, I just realized that I could go on and on, and on here. I'm going to stop.
All I can say is that my sister is hurting, and there is nothing more terrible than knowing she is and I can't do anything about it. Second to that, i now have to tell my Mom the news....
Pray for Jo please.....
And maybe say a little prayer for me and my family....
Joanne was rushed to the infirmary last Sunday night, in utter pain. Now, first I must make this clear, the ONLY way that my sister shows pain, is by pulling one of her legs up to her stomach. Joanne does not cry, she has never shed a single tear. Jo does not cry out in pain. She cannot communicate the same way you and I do. You have to know Jo, to know that something is wrong.
Anyways, long story short, she has gallstones. One is the size of a golf ball, and then there are also many many more. She was sent for testing, and the Doctor caring for her, tried to get her into surgery ASAP. " Give her antibiotics first for the infection around the gallbladder" is what the hospital said. The Doctor did. Jo responded a little, because the infection was leaving.
Here is the kicker. The Hospital is now saying that Jo needs to be put on a waiting list for surgery. 2 months minimum. Joanne's pain is "not acute enough". Dr.Hamilton, the physician caring for my sister is upset and concerned. She is taking it upon herself to write to the hospital weekly to express her concern for Jo. She is trying to get Jo into surgery as soon as possible.
My sister, cannot walk, talk, feed herself, go to the bathroom, bath herself. My sister needs total care, 24/7, she cannot chew so everything is pureed. She cannot drink liquid, so ever her water has additives in order to solidify it.
My Sister needs surgery, but because she does not express discomfort and pain the same way you and I do, she will wait.
Let's face it, I'm sure that some of you are sitting here thinking " What kind of quality of life does she really have". People have even told me " she would be better off dead". Perhaps that is right, she would be, because she would be in the arms of God. BUT, she is not dead. She is alive, and currently hurting. She is still a valued human being, and she is loved so very much. Joanne deserves the same quality of care as we do. Holy crap, I just realized that I could go on and on, and on here. I'm going to stop.
All I can say is that my sister is hurting, and there is nothing more terrible than knowing she is and I can't do anything about it. Second to that, i now have to tell my Mom the news....
Pray for Jo please.....
And maybe say a little prayer for me and my family....
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Remembering someone who was forgotten
Yeah, I know! It's been a few days since I wrote, but hey! Life happens right. Most of you already know what I do for a living. I am a welfare worker ( social assistance as it is now known). I am fortunate enough, to have a specialty case load where all of my client's are either substance users, or on the road I hear. the horrors that these people go through.
There are times that I become so frustrated at my inability to assist in the way they may need it. What it boils down to, is that they have to be willing to work on it themselves. They need to
to find hope from within, and then they will be able to accept the help that is offered.
For some, I wonder if they will make it to 2009. I fear one or two may not.
I had this one individual, who was an alcoholic. He was living on the streets, and had been for some time. Finally after months of effort, we managed to get him into subsidized housing. It was then that he started to focus on recovery. Small steps is what we used. little accomplishments that went so very far to improve the quality of his life. I imagine, after years of sleeping outside, having a bed, a shower, a roof. He was on his way.
We had an appointment, and he called to re-schedule because he was not feeling well. No problem I said, come in on Thursday.
Thursday came, but he did not. In fact, his ex-girlfriend came to the office instead. this person had passed on. Pneumonia! His ex was the only one who was willing to make the arrangements. His family refused because they felt that his life was a waste of time. They had no idea that he had started a journey. It was only when I told his ex that he had begun to work on his issues, that she cried. She brought the info to his brothers and sisters. They had no clue.
You know what I fear most in life? Is that something happens, I get sick, I lose it somehow, and people will give up on me. Then I lose total hope.
This client I had, made an impression on me. he died the same day we were to meet. He called to tell me he would not be in. He was courteous enough to take the time. I vowed on that day, that someone would always remember him. He made a difference in my life, and I am grateful that I met him!
I'm still remembering Phil! May you be celebrating, dancing, healthy, and know that you made a difference to me!
There are times that I become so frustrated at my inability to assist in the way they may need it. What it boils down to, is that they have to be willing to work on it themselves. They need to
to find hope from within, and then they will be able to accept the help that is offered.
For some, I wonder if they will make it to 2009. I fear one or two may not.
I had this one individual, who was an alcoholic. He was living on the streets, and had been for some time. Finally after months of effort, we managed to get him into subsidized housing. It was then that he started to focus on recovery. Small steps is what we used. little accomplishments that went so very far to improve the quality of his life. I imagine, after years of sleeping outside, having a bed, a shower, a roof. He was on his way.
We had an appointment, and he called to re-schedule because he was not feeling well. No problem I said, come in on Thursday.
Thursday came, but he did not. In fact, his ex-girlfriend came to the office instead. this person had passed on. Pneumonia! His ex was the only one who was willing to make the arrangements. His family refused because they felt that his life was a waste of time. They had no idea that he had started a journey. It was only when I told his ex that he had begun to work on his issues, that she cried. She brought the info to his brothers and sisters. They had no clue.
You know what I fear most in life? Is that something happens, I get sick, I lose it somehow, and people will give up on me. Then I lose total hope.
This client I had, made an impression on me. he died the same day we were to meet. He called to tell me he would not be in. He was courteous enough to take the time. I vowed on that day, that someone would always remember him. He made a difference in my life, and I am grateful that I met him!
I'm still remembering Phil! May you be celebrating, dancing, healthy, and know that you made a difference to me!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Love like you've never been hurt
Hi all!
We made it back, safe and sound! 4Provinces in 4 days. We rode the tidal bore in Truro , NS. What a blast! I would strongly encourage everyone to do it once! 15 hours there and 15 back. Many, many stories to hang onto. PEI is beautiful. So many eagles.
Today, someone told me that they would love to have my life! LOL! What do you say to that? Is my life more exciting than the average person? Nope!. But, I do have a life that is more than just the 9 to 5, can't wait for retirement or death.
I love to live as if every moment is an adventure. Every experience can becomes a story to tell, something to learn. There are days where that attitude is seriously lacking in me, but it is always something I strive for. What else are we to do, but experience. We might as well try to enjoy as much of it as we can, because you and I both know that in any given moment, it can be gone.
What is that saying? Is it " Love like you've never been hurt"? What a great motto to live by, because without risk, we never live, without hurt, we never learn the meaning of love. Without God, we never truly experience life.
So, take the risk, whether it be to do a road trip, swing on a swing, or tell someone how much you love them. That is where the excitement comes in... you may get hurt, or you may just get the experience of a lifetime!
We made it back, safe and sound! 4Provinces in 4 days. We rode the tidal bore in Truro , NS. What a blast! I would strongly encourage everyone to do it once! 15 hours there and 15 back. Many, many stories to hang onto. PEI is beautiful. So many eagles.
Today, someone told me that they would love to have my life! LOL! What do you say to that? Is my life more exciting than the average person? Nope!. But, I do have a life that is more than just the 9 to 5, can't wait for retirement or death.
I love to live as if every moment is an adventure. Every experience can becomes a story to tell, something to learn. There are days where that attitude is seriously lacking in me, but it is always something I strive for. What else are we to do, but experience. We might as well try to enjoy as much of it as we can, because you and I both know that in any given moment, it can be gone.
What is that saying? Is it " Love like you've never been hurt"? What a great motto to live by, because without risk, we never live, without hurt, we never learn the meaning of love. Without God, we never truly experience life.
So, take the risk, whether it be to do a road trip, swing on a swing, or tell someone how much you love them. That is where the excitement comes in... you may get hurt, or you may just get the experience of a lifetime!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Just one more thing...
I forgot! Just one more thing!
Isn't life Grand today! Look outside... if it's sunny, then smile and feel the warmth! If it's raining, close your eyes and enjoy hearing the wonderful sounds!!!!
Enjoy every moment, and never dismiss the beauty in front of you!
Today is a good day!
Isn't life Grand today! Look outside... if it's sunny, then smile and feel the warmth! If it's raining, close your eyes and enjoy hearing the wonderful sounds!!!!
Enjoy every moment, and never dismiss the beauty in front of you!
Today is a good day!
Why would you do that???
I'm part of a wonderful home group. This is a group of people that I get together with every Monday night, to discuss issues, topics, and faith. We also eat, alot! We are very social, and do many thing together outside of these Monday night meetings as well.
In a 1/2 hour, some of those people will be picking us up, and we are going to Drive 18 hours or so, to PEI. The plan so far is to visit Shayna, then drive to Nova Scotia, and Ride the Tidal Bore! - back to PEI then we come home Monday.
When I told people at work of my plans, the first question they all asked was "WHY on EARTH would you do that?" Well, that's easy! Why not!
Although some of our group will be missing ( and also very missed ), this is a Road trip. We drive all night, stay up all day, and hope to be able to go to work on Tuesday. Sounds like a blast to me.
I just can't understand why people are surprised by this. They look at my life, my friends, and the community that surrounds me, and they think it's strange. Yet, I think it is wonderful, exciting, and what is lacking for most adults today. A family, people you can count on, trust, and love. People who understand the "just because" statements.
Can you imagine yourself, surrounded by people who you know would do anything for you at the drop of a hat. People who miss you when you are away, who laugh and cry with you. People who love you so much, that any idea, no matter how crazy, becomes a good idea! These people help raise my children, mourn with me, and celebrate my greatest moments
Yeah, maybe we do act like a bunch of 12 year olds, we do everything together. Every night there is something going on, and I would have it no other way!
4:45 - waiting patiently for the van! See y'all when I get back!
In a 1/2 hour, some of those people will be picking us up, and we are going to Drive 18 hours or so, to PEI. The plan so far is to visit Shayna, then drive to Nova Scotia, and Ride the Tidal Bore! - back to PEI then we come home Monday.
When I told people at work of my plans, the first question they all asked was "WHY on EARTH would you do that?" Well, that's easy! Why not!
Although some of our group will be missing ( and also very missed ), this is a Road trip. We drive all night, stay up all day, and hope to be able to go to work on Tuesday. Sounds like a blast to me.
I just can't understand why people are surprised by this. They look at my life, my friends, and the community that surrounds me, and they think it's strange. Yet, I think it is wonderful, exciting, and what is lacking for most adults today. A family, people you can count on, trust, and love. People who understand the "just because" statements.
Can you imagine yourself, surrounded by people who you know would do anything for you at the drop of a hat. People who miss you when you are away, who laugh and cry with you. People who love you so much, that any idea, no matter how crazy, becomes a good idea! These people help raise my children, mourn with me, and celebrate my greatest moments
Yeah, maybe we do act like a bunch of 12 year olds, we do everything together. Every night there is something going on, and I would have it no other way!
4:45 - waiting patiently for the van! See y'all when I get back!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Let's try this again - grandma
For those of you who don't know, I'm going to be a grandma. Yeah, I know, how can such a hot, young chicky be a grandma to be? I am told I barely look old enough to have kids, and even though I am going to be 39, I still get carded at the Casino.
My daughter, Angela is 25. Did you notice I said daughter, and not step daughter??? She is my kid. Mine! To add the "step" in there implies a disconnect of some sorts. You just married her father, some would say. I have had the pleasure of knowing Angela 24 out of those 25 years. I helped raised her. When I look at her, I feel the same pride and joy that I feel when I look at my own son.
Raising her was not easy - I can tell you that! She would be the first to say that there have been so many struggles, difficulties, and tears along the way. Far too many! But I'm going to openly declare something else, I would do it ALL over again. Every single moment. Why? Well, all I can say is that she is my kid. I would give up the world to see her happy. And today, right now, she is.
She has found the love of her life. He treats her like gold! And she is soon going to be a Mom.
i can only hope that her experiences as a parent are as fulfilling and challenging as mine have been. They have been worth every step!
I must admit that I am being very selfish. This Grandson of mine - Landon Johannes is not even born yet, and I don't want to share him. I want to be the grandma that he turns to, plays with, and loves. I don't want to share the "title" with anyone else. That is why I struggle with what I am going to call myself. I want it to be something that is personal, intimate! Oma, Nana, Grandma, Grand-maman, they don't work! It's going to be different, whatever it is....
The best part of all of this is that I KNOW that bebe will not see me as an outsider trying to fill a void! He will know me as his grandma, no strings attached!
Even more amazing and wonderful is that I can finally say with 100% certainty, that I feel that way about Angela too. She is my Kid! mine! and I love her! I'm not sharing her anymore!
Thank-you Angela, for making me feel this way!
My daughter, Angela is 25. Did you notice I said daughter, and not step daughter??? She is my kid. Mine! To add the "step" in there implies a disconnect of some sorts. You just married her father, some would say. I have had the pleasure of knowing Angela 24 out of those 25 years. I helped raised her. When I look at her, I feel the same pride and joy that I feel when I look at my own son.
Raising her was not easy - I can tell you that! She would be the first to say that there have been so many struggles, difficulties, and tears along the way. Far too many! But I'm going to openly declare something else, I would do it ALL over again. Every single moment. Why? Well, all I can say is that she is my kid. I would give up the world to see her happy. And today, right now, she is.
She has found the love of her life. He treats her like gold! And she is soon going to be a Mom.
i can only hope that her experiences as a parent are as fulfilling and challenging as mine have been. They have been worth every step!
I must admit that I am being very selfish. This Grandson of mine - Landon Johannes is not even born yet, and I don't want to share him. I want to be the grandma that he turns to, plays with, and loves. I don't want to share the "title" with anyone else. That is why I struggle with what I am going to call myself. I want it to be something that is personal, intimate! Oma, Nana, Grandma, Grand-maman, they don't work! It's going to be different, whatever it is....
The best part of all of this is that I KNOW that bebe will not see me as an outsider trying to fill a void! He will know me as his grandma, no strings attached!
Even more amazing and wonderful is that I can finally say with 100% certainty, that I feel that way about Angela too. She is my Kid! mine! and I love her! I'm not sharing her anymore!
Thank-you Angela, for making me feel this way!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Secrets from a warped mind :P
For all of you who have never suffered from depression or any other kind of Mood disorders, let me fill you in on a few secrets.
1) We are not crazy! Most times are behaviors are caused by a physical issue. Would you call a cancer patient crazy? No? Hmmm, then maybe the Crazy in front of you is really physically sick
2) The lenses that we use to see the world is dirty. We try to clean them, but sometimes, we just can't see things right!
3) Don't take offense. We really do try everything in our power to get better. Sometimes, we just can't see the end. We don't understand comments like "don't worry about it, or get over it."
4) we still love you, want you, and need you in our lives. Even if we say we don't, we do.
5) We know that it can be terrible for you to deal with us. Trust me, we beat ourselves up over it, but know that way deep down inside, we really do appreciate and love you.
6) We don't make sense, but in our minds, everything is so real.
7) We get scared too.
8) sometimes, a simply hug can mean so much.
9) The reasons behind the pain may very well be completely off, but our pain, both physical and mental are real.
10) Don't give up, We give up too easily.
11) With your help and continued support, we will get better, It may take years, but with you, there is hope.
12) God loves us too, even if we don't feel it! He does.
If I have forgotten any, please feel free to add. ( All 2 of you who read my blog :)
1) We are not crazy! Most times are behaviors are caused by a physical issue. Would you call a cancer patient crazy? No? Hmmm, then maybe the Crazy in front of you is really physically sick
2) The lenses that we use to see the world is dirty. We try to clean them, but sometimes, we just can't see things right!
3) Don't take offense. We really do try everything in our power to get better. Sometimes, we just can't see the end. We don't understand comments like "don't worry about it, or get over it."
4) we still love you, want you, and need you in our lives. Even if we say we don't, we do.
5) We know that it can be terrible for you to deal with us. Trust me, we beat ourselves up over it, but know that way deep down inside, we really do appreciate and love you.
6) We don't make sense, but in our minds, everything is so real.
7) We get scared too.
8) sometimes, a simply hug can mean so much.
9) The reasons behind the pain may very well be completely off, but our pain, both physical and mental are real.
10) Don't give up, We give up too easily.
11) With your help and continued support, we will get better, It may take years, but with you, there is hope.
12) God loves us too, even if we don't feel it! He does.
If I have forgotten any, please feel free to add. ( All 2 of you who read my blog :)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Step #2
My best friend jumped out of a plane yesterday. She actually jumped out of a plane. Her wonderful husband purchased this exciting adventure for her as an 18th wedding anniversary gift. ( No, he was not hoping the chute wouldn't open ).
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fly? To flap your arms, and go, soaring through the clouds, careless, and dare I say, Free. To experience an adrenaline rush each time you take off, and pushing yourself to the very limits of your abilities. Playing chicken with the cars. Gliding through the sky as the sun begins to set. Waiting, hoping, longing for the sun rise.
I do.
Is freedom taking a chance, not knowing if you will survive? To be FREE, even if it is only for 4 minutes, what an adventure. I think that I am ready to feel that freedom as well. Take that first step. No wait, the first step is something everyone can do. We can all get into the plane. It is taking that second, and third, and fourth step that counts. The first step can easily be retracted, but once you go past that stage, THAT is where the adventure begins. THAT is where you find abundance, and freedom.
Way to go Heather. Not only did you experience an incredible rush, but you managed to teach me a little at the same time.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to fly? To flap your arms, and go, soaring through the clouds, careless, and dare I say, Free. To experience an adrenaline rush each time you take off, and pushing yourself to the very limits of your abilities. Playing chicken with the cars. Gliding through the sky as the sun begins to set. Waiting, hoping, longing for the sun rise.
I do.
Is freedom taking a chance, not knowing if you will survive? To be FREE, even if it is only for 4 minutes, what an adventure. I think that I am ready to feel that freedom as well. Take that first step. No wait, the first step is something everyone can do. We can all get into the plane. It is taking that second, and third, and fourth step that counts. The first step can easily be retracted, but once you go past that stage, THAT is where the adventure begins. THAT is where you find abundance, and freedom.
Way to go Heather. Not only did you experience an incredible rush, but you managed to teach me a little at the same time.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Cancer
I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker yesterday. Sally is an incredibly fit, beautiful and positive woman. She battled cancer, and so far is winning. There is still a growth that is being monitored, but so far, so good. A friend who is dear to my heart, Carrie, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She continues her battle, and is gracious enough to allow us to walk through it with her. I just read a post from Craig, who found out that a co-worker passed away this morning - breast cancer.
Cancer is a reality in everyone's life. It seems that everyone knows someone with it. It is a devastating illness, and can destroy families, and lives. My aunt is suffering from the cancer as we speak.
BUT, I have also noticed something incredible. Have you ever spoken to someone whose life has been affected. The one thing that struck me yesterday, when speaking with Sally, is how much she appreciates. Yes, some days can be a struggle, but this woman has never let her children see her cry. Actually, the weekend after surgery, she brought her kids to Montreal. She said " yes, Mom has had a hard time, but I'm still Mom" - " Don't sweat the small stuff".
To be able to appreciate every moment that you have is a gift. Sometimes, I wish people would catch on to that before it becomes too late. Take the time, listen to a child laugh, or do what I do when I feel like shit - go on you tube, find some old Carole Burnett shows and watch Tim Conway talk about the elephants - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY
Laugh, love and enjoy every moment, And thank those who can teach you how.
Thank you Sally, Thank you Carrie, and God bless all those who have had to learned the hard way.
Cancer is a reality in everyone's life. It seems that everyone knows someone with it. It is a devastating illness, and can destroy families, and lives. My aunt is suffering from the cancer as we speak.
BUT, I have also noticed something incredible. Have you ever spoken to someone whose life has been affected. The one thing that struck me yesterday, when speaking with Sally, is how much she appreciates. Yes, some days can be a struggle, but this woman has never let her children see her cry. Actually, the weekend after surgery, she brought her kids to Montreal. She said " yes, Mom has had a hard time, but I'm still Mom" - " Don't sweat the small stuff".
To be able to appreciate every moment that you have is a gift. Sometimes, I wish people would catch on to that before it becomes too late. Take the time, listen to a child laugh, or do what I do when I feel like shit - go on you tube, find some old Carole Burnett shows and watch Tim Conway talk about the elephants - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY
Laugh, love and enjoy every moment, And thank those who can teach you how.
Thank you Sally, Thank you Carrie, and God bless all those who have had to learned the hard way.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Say hi to me!
Alright, so here we go. I have so many loved ones who have started blogging, that I can't help but think it is something that I should try. Who knows, we may even get to know each other a little better as a result.
I sometimes read what others have to say and cannot help but think this may also and have a therapeutic component. There are moments that I feel the need to scream that I am here, and other times I need to hide behind the screen. Either way, I have decided to allow you to join me on the ride. It may be the ride of our lives. I am glad that I can start here with you. Whomever "you" are!
I can only hope that you find joy, and perhaps even understanding in shared experiences.
Let's go for a ride!
Hang on!
Chantal
I sometimes read what others have to say and cannot help but think this may also and have a therapeutic component. There are moments that I feel the need to scream that I am here, and other times I need to hide behind the screen. Either way, I have decided to allow you to join me on the ride. It may be the ride of our lives. I am glad that I can start here with you. Whomever "you" are!
I can only hope that you find joy, and perhaps even understanding in shared experiences.
Let's go for a ride!
Hang on!
Chantal
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